Gold Medal...out of reach.

Well, much like the USA Hockey and Curling Teams, my Knitting Olympics Gold Medal is just not meant to be. However, i do not feel like a failure at all. I have accomplished much. Of the 5 pairs of socks i set out to create, i managed to fully complete only one pair so far (the flame is still lit!).


Colorway - Connolly

Yes, yes...they are not finished in this photo but trust me, they are done. I've worn them, they've been washed today and are now drying so i can wear them again.

The idea of 5 pairs of socks may have seemed insane...ok, and it really might be, i'll give you that. In my mind, it seemed attainable because three of the pairs were going to be made of the same type of yarn as this pair. These are made with a non-traditional sock yarn, in fact, not a sock yarn at all. These socks were knit using Knit Picks - Shamrock which is a heavy worsted weight yarn. working this yarn into socks creates some of the thickest, squishiest, yummy warm socks many feet in my family have ever worn. Deb had a pair, they were accidentally shrunk by a friend helping with laundry and now my step-mom owns them. I've made my Dad a pair. And my Mom has a pair as well. Hmmm. Who else needs a pair? ME!!!! I need some!! So, that's where the whole idea of knitting the 5 pair came from. I figured i could knit 3 pairs of socks like this for myself and then two other pairs. Only one of the pairs is done and no other one begun. I will go forth and continue my task even if it is not finished by the deadline when the flame is extinguished this night. The remaining sets of socks will be in these colors...


Colorway - Beckett


Colorway - Graham

And, Deb will get a new pair too in this color...


Colorway - Quinn
I did however make significant process on another pair of socks...


Yarn is: Scout's Sway in Coloway - Cookie. I can't even remember when i bought this, it's been so long ago. I'd really have to go back and check my blog posts to figure it out. This pair of socks has one whole sock completed and i'm 2/3 done with the leg section and heading on to the heel flap. These are a belated birthday gift for someone. Shhh!! My intention was to have them finished on time, but we all see how that went. Ooops!

the other part of my Olympic Sock Knitting challenge was to learn a new technique in sock knitting. I purchased the book "Socks Soar on Two Circular Needles" - by Cat Bordhi. A few other knitters i know, swear by knitting on two crics and so i thought i would give it a try. Well, i've not made much progress really...


Yarn: Trekking XXL Colorway - 100. I know i bought this yarn at The Knitter's Nest back in Eldersburg, Maryland so it's been in the stash a while. Too bad the lighting in my picture is off. I'll get a better shot when they are done. What you see in the photo is how that pair still sits. One sock only that far along.


I was trying to get a few more artistic looking shots of this yarn because i love it so very much. Wait. Hold on. What's that in the background?


Why yes, it's my Official Yarn Sniffer/Sock Inspector...Scout.

And his sister was here...


...pay no attention to my socks and bloomers in the laundry basket. LOL! :)

I do have a bit more to say on the Olympics and the whole Knitting Olympics experience this time. I think i'll shock some people and save it for another post. Closing Ceremonies are on now and i'm going to go knit some more!


~Suz~

Knitting Olympics - Game ON!

Oh yes my pretties it is THAT time again! I am so completely stoked that The Yarn Harlot has come to her senses and decided to host the Second Official Knitting Olympics! I love me some Ravelry and all but the Knitting Olympics, in my opinion, is completely the Harlot's Baby! It would not have been the same without her, however, i would have gone boldly forward and progressed as if she were hosting the event and have done it in her honour (<~~~spelled that way on purpose because she's Canadian, eh!). In case you missed the first Knitting Olympics...you can read the initial challenge set forth, here in 2006. This is, after all, only a Winter Event. Little did The Harlot realize how big, no...how HUGE the Event would become, when all was said and done, thousands of Knitter World-Wide had stepped up to the challenge.

This was me in 2006 taking on my first Lace Knitting project...ugh!
***WARNING: Crazed Knitter Alert!!!***


I figured i needed the mud mask!

I even had my own support crew cheering me on...

Deb and our niece Katie were in charge of supplying me with coffee. We were living in Maryland with Deb's family at the time and Katie was visiting for the weekend. Oh how times have changed...


Katie is now a married gal with a brand new baby boy. Austin was born on January 13th, 2010. considering that they live back in Maryland i bet she's sure glad her due date was before the HUGE ass Snowstorms!

Anywho, back to my first project...here's the outcome....


A closeup of "Branching Out" from Knitty.com. Mine was made double wide.


Blocking that sucker out on my bed. Notice the Knitting Inspector? Our dearly departed girl, Luna. Awwws, i sure miss her!

This year my Knitting Olympics Project is all about socks! Socks!! SOCKS!!!
I love to knit socks on dpn's (double pointed needles, for you Muggles), however, i am going to break down and learn a new technique. I have purchased a copy of Cat Bordhi's books "Socks Soar on Two Circular Needles" and also two sets of size 2 circular needles from Knit Picks collection. I am looking very forward to trying them out!

So, not only am i learning a new way of knitting socks, but i have come up with a number of socks to knit from Opening to Closing Ceremonies. In the Spirit of The Knitting Olympics Challenge, i have decided to push my limits and attempt to knit 5 pairs of socks in the 17 days. Yes, i said FIVE Pairs. That's 10 socks in 17 days!!

Stay tunes for further updates...

~Suz~ :)

Change & Growth

Well, it's four months since my last post. Time sure flies when life's in turmoil!

Deb and i are still together!! :)

We were going to part and had plans in place to do so, but three weeks after my time in the hospital, Deb divulged to me that she had lied about not ever having loved me. She's loved me the whole time! She told me those things because she was at her wit's end with me, basically. I's come to a point in my life where after years of not taking proactive measures to better my physical health, it was taking a toll on me mentally as well and my depression was getting deeper and darker. I'd become very withdrawn and isolated myself from friends, family and even from Deb...spending most of my time in a separate room from her. Deb had been trying to live life for two people and it was just way too much for her. She figured that if she walked out of my life, i would be forced to make changes. Well, she ended up staying and i've made changes anyway and continue to do so. Day by day, little by little...i'm doing more to take care of myself.

I've been seeing a counselor and i find that that is helping a lot. I've also been making a daily effort to get more stuff done around our apartment and i find that getting the clutter out of the way helps to clear my mind and relax my nerves. I'm knitting more. Reading more. Spending less time playing computer games alone. I do spend time on Facebook responding to things people post and playing a few games on there. But i'm not spending the up to 18 hours a day playing Second Life like i had been. I'm working on my tone when i speak to Deb...something that has been an issue for years. I'm learning to figure out which battles to wage and which ones to let go. Some days are better than others, but i do feel that i am growing as a person and Deb and i have certainly grown closer together as a couple. I now have great vision that we will make it to our 10th anniversary of our meeting and starting our relationship...this coming May!

In other news, Deb's (our) niece Katie just gave birth yesterday to a little boy. Welcome to the world Austin Michael Harris! We also found out that Katie's sister, Jen, is expecting again and is due on Sept. 11th. Must be something in the Maryland water...?

In knitting news...i've been knitting. ROFL!! I've got a few WIP's going on...I decided to continue working on the Log Cabin Style blanket that i started a while back and gift it to my Mom's Bf for Christmas...well, it's still on needles but much larger than this pic...



...i'm focused on finishing this project before i go on to finish the afghan i'm making for Deb's Mom. Yeah. that one's late too. Shhh.

~Suz~

Shattered...

On Sunday September 6th Deb told me that she no longer wants to be with me and that she's never been in love with me in all the nine years we've been together...my heart has been broken into more pieces than any one person could ever pick up in a lifetime. That evening i wanted to end my own life...and tried. A few friends showed up the next morning with my Mom and made me go to Dyer to admit myself into the Psych Ward for a few days, it was an interesting experience...

I'm so so sad i don't know if i could ever express my total grief to anyone. Just a couple months ago i had wondered to myself if i was really in love with Deb, if i even knew what that meant or felt like and now i know that i am completely in love with her...sad, isn't it?

Over the past few years, Deb has sat and watched my failure to obtain proper medical attention for myself and she's had to withstand bouts of me feeling like i no longer wanted to live due to the daily difficulties of my life. I am beginning to understand the tremendous and unfair stress that my depression and physical decline has put upon her. I can't change what i've done and clearly i'm the one who has to figure out how to live with it. Deb has taken on the role of main breadwinner, chief shopper, laundry & errand boi and pack mule. She's carried things for me, gotten things for me and taken me most places i needed to or wanted to go. I've been unfair to her. Oh sure, i cook 4-5 days a week sometimes 2-3 meals depending on how i feel...and i clean and take care of most of the dishes...but it's still been a huge burden on her, one i cannot take back. And if she's never loved me, it wouldn't really matter anyway, would it?

Tomorrow i will go and open a new, solo checking account here in Indiana with the help of my Mom and Dan and move my SSI direct deposit into that account. Then i will need to figure out how to remove myself from the checking account in Maryland without going there in person...and that account can remain Deb's. The next step after that will be to figure out some sort of low income or housing for disabled people for myself.

It's all very sad and scary for me and i really wish the meds that the Shrink put me on would begin to help the sadness ease. I think i liked the Lexapro i used to be on, better. At least i cried less. I'm beginning to annoy even myself. I won't see the Psychiatrist and the Counselor until the 22nd. that's 12 days from the time i was released from the hospital, it seems like forever.

In all of this, i still adore Deb as i always have. I wish her no ill will. I wish her nothing but happiness and hope that she will find someone in her life who is willing to love her as much as i have over all of these years, because she has not always been a picnic to be in love with either. I wish that she would give me some time at working on doing what i need to do to take care of myself and to make really sure that she wants to end our relationship. On Monday i asked her if she would please give our living arrangement to at least the end of the year instead of making such a HUGE, impulsive change. We have both made so many impulsive choices in the years we have been together and i just wish she would slow down and not be in such a big hurry. However, she sounds like she will probably remain in Maryland when she goes back at the end of October for her Drs Appointments and Court Hearing for her Workman's Comp. case with a former employer there. If she does go...i know i will never see her again in my whole life. That thought alone digs the knife into my heart even further...not only am i losing the greatest love of my life, but i am also losing my best friend and the person who makes me laugh like no one else.

I guess it's a good thing that Gay Marriage is not legal here in Indiana...our Seven Year Anniversary would be on October 19th...the vows i made that day in 2002, i fully intended to love until the day i died. Apparently, they are easily discarded by Deb...and that makes me angry rather than sad. Perhaps it's a good thing then we don't have to pay for Divorce Attorneys.

Barely Hanging On...

~Suz~

Ooops & Kick Ass!!

Several weeks ago now, Deb called me from work and told me she had accumulated over 9,000 safety points at her job and she was thinking about using those points to get a new camping dining shelter for us. She showed me which one online and she decided to go ahead and ordered it. The box arrived to the office here at the apartments one day and they called to let us know. Of course they called on a Friday when she was working and since she also works Sat & Sun she had to wait until Monday to go pick up the box.

Monday came and went and a few days later i got a call from the office to remind us that we had a box to be picked up. WTF?! I thought Deb had told me she picked that box up?! I went off on her totally bitching about her not picking up the box and why did she lie to me about something so dumb, etc. Knowing she had picked up the box, she scratched her head and went to the office anyway. When she returned, she held in her hands an unexpected package addressed to ME.

Huh, what?!! Ooops, did i feel like an asshole! I apologized a couple of times and took a good look at the box...it was a surprise package from Steph back in Maryland. I rubbed my hands together like a small child anticipating Santa's Arrival and got a pair of scissors to cut the tape so i could have a peek inside. Ooooh!! Kick Ass! It was a box full of yarn, with a lovely little house warming note.

Steph, i can't thank you enough for your gift of yarny goodness to my stash. I was drooling so much over the Knit Picks Felici in Pebble that i sped right along on Deb's Horcrux socks in Knit Picks Memories - Yukon just so that i could cast on another pair of socks for her in the Felici!! The Felici is a dream to knit with, it's so soft and squishy and it glides along the needles very nicely. I cast on for that new sock last Tuesday, worked on it over the weekend during Camp Out and finished sock number one today. Sock number two will go onto the needles tonight, but i had to stop to make sure i finally got a post up here to thank Steph for sending some of her stash to my hot little hands!!

Pictures of box load of yarn and sock one to come...

~Suz~

We have Babies!!

Ok. Wow. i made it back in less than a month. Well, just slightly less, but that's better than the last time, eh?

So, it's been a crazy few weeks with: Deb's health issues, travel postponed to MD, Deb turned 40 on May 25th, i turned 41 on May 28th and hey, we adopted two furdren just this past Monday. Whew! Busy, busy!

A young woman we know, Caitlin D., we will call her...posted a note on Facebook saying that a cat had delivered four kittens in her backyard 8 weeks prior and she was looking for a good home for them. I didn't say anything to Deb for a few days because i knew she would jump all over it, but then i couldn't stand it any more and was missing my little Luna kitty that we had to put to sleep in April 2008. As i suspected, Deb's reply was, "so when can we go get them?!" I sent a note back to Caitlin right away and we made the arrangements to go adopt this past Monday.

I decided on a mostly black female, she has about a nickel sized white spot on her neck. Deb decided on a peach/orange striped male. Brother and sister are doing well. As i write this they have just survived their first adventure into a mesh laundry bag full of clean clothes and are resting in their bed box...which, incidentally, they don't usually sleep in...they are more comfortable sleeping under one of the couches. Safer, i guess. Far away from Mama's grasp. Heehee!

They are still very scared and have only warmed up enough to get within maybe a foot of us and then they realize, "oh shit! too close" and scamper off. They are doing very well with the litter box and eating and drinking so i'm sure in time they will warm up to us and be just fine. they are quick little suckers so i only have a few pics and they are not so great...


Scout, the boy, hiding under the kitchen table inching his way toward the food bowl.


Cowering in the corner under the kitchen table, Scout protects his sister, Zuzu.


Zuzu and Scout playing together yesterday morning.

I'm sure i will be posting more pics soon.! Yay for Furdren!!

~Suz~